Will you blow on my dice?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
