my mouth tastes like poor choices
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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