He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
God, I missed his penis.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
