Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
