based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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