I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dicks are not precious.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
