I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
