is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am naked and annoyed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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