I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
