Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the condom got lost in my hair
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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