My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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