You really coming over, don't trick.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
