It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
