She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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