my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he fucked my hip out of place.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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