I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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