I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Randomize
