Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We need to get me chipped asap
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
