its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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