why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
