I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I intend to get homeless drunk
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
