I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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