Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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