He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
