If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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