he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
