Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
