Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
