It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
