real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
