I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
