The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
