just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
