now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
