whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
