someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
