I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just cropdusted the office
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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