Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
