apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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