so that wasnt chicken after all
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
