Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
