its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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