How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
