Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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