I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
