someone threw a dead crab at me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The adults are the big ones right?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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