No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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