I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Found the puke drawer
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
