There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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