I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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