You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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